It didn't take long for me to realize that Jason and I would be doing a lot of waiting. To be honest I'm not a very patient person. I always like to get moving to the next thing. So thanks to the help of my co-workers I got started on the ever popular Twilight Series.
The 400+ page book seemed intimidating at first. I can't even remember the last time I had read a book, let alone a series of four books...but I figured with all the waiting, I'd have the time.
Not only did the book help the waiting time feel shorter, they also gave my mind an escape from the stress and onto something other than having to think about cancer.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The start of our Summer Camp
Walking into the Covenant Cancer Treatment Center was surreal. It wasn't the first time I had been there. Nearly two decades before, I walked into that center to be with my Grandma as she got chemo for Lung Cancer.
After checking in, we sat in the waiting room. Looking around, I could tell we weren't in Cancer's main demographic. Everyone else in the room was much older. Many were in wheel chairs, had canes and oxygen. It felt as though we didn't belong. But sitting there I started to feel grateful.
You see, it was easy to see that health did not come easy to many of the people in the waiting room. Yet they hadn't given up. They continued to get their treatments week after week, no matter how much it took out of them. They had faith that the treatment they endured would help them live a longer, and hopefully healthier life.
At last Jason's name was called and we went to the patient area, where we waited in a private room. Dr. Masri came in and looked at the CT scan. He described the cancer as he moved through slices of Jason's body. Looking at the cancer, he said it looked like the cancer was contained, but a PETscan and Bone Marrow Biopsy would be required to determine the Stage of the cancer.
Masri described that treatement would most likely be eight chemo treatments spread over four months, followed by radiation. At that moment I realized that this cancer treatment center would be our Summer Camp. For in this Summer, our lives would be changed. We would meet our "camp counselor's" and have our required activities. The goal of this camp: to get cured.
After checking in, we sat in the waiting room. Looking around, I could tell we weren't in Cancer's main demographic. Everyone else in the room was much older. Many were in wheel chairs, had canes and oxygen. It felt as though we didn't belong. But sitting there I started to feel grateful.
You see, it was easy to see that health did not come easy to many of the people in the waiting room. Yet they hadn't given up. They continued to get their treatments week after week, no matter how much it took out of them. They had faith that the treatment they endured would help them live a longer, and hopefully healthier life.
At last Jason's name was called and we went to the patient area, where we waited in a private room. Dr. Masri came in and looked at the CT scan. He described the cancer as he moved through slices of Jason's body. Looking at the cancer, he said it looked like the cancer was contained, but a PETscan and Bone Marrow Biopsy would be required to determine the Stage of the cancer.
Masri described that treatement would most likely be eight chemo treatments spread over four months, followed by radiation. At that moment I realized that this cancer treatment center would be our Summer Camp. For in this Summer, our lives would be changed. We would meet our "camp counselor's" and have our required activities. The goal of this camp: to get cured.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
A shocking gasp...the kind you see in the movies
After waiting all weekend for the results of the biopsy, we had to wait all day on Monday for our appointment at the pulmonologist.
Jason's parents and grandma made the hour drive to be with us again for this life-changing appointment. We were all crowded into the exam room. The doctor came in. I felt bad for him knowing that no one wants to deliver bad news.
I think the doc was trying to build up to it gradually, however I didn't pay attention. I was only listening for one thing...what this mass was. Finally, he told us. It was Hodgkin's Lymphoma.
Those words triggered a sorrowful gasp from Jason's Grandma. Instantly again tears welled into my eyes. I had no idea what Hodgkin's was, but it sounded horrible.
Knowing that we were not well versed in medical names of diseases, the doctor explained that the mass was indeed cancer, and we would need to meet with an oncologist.
Jason's parents and grandma made the hour drive to be with us again for this life-changing appointment. We were all crowded into the exam room. The doctor came in. I felt bad for him knowing that no one wants to deliver bad news.
I think the doc was trying to build up to it gradually, however I didn't pay attention. I was only listening for one thing...what this mass was. Finally, he told us. It was Hodgkin's Lymphoma.
Those words triggered a sorrowful gasp from Jason's Grandma. Instantly again tears welled into my eyes. I had no idea what Hodgkin's was, but it sounded horrible.
Knowing that we were not well versed in medical names of diseases, the doctor explained that the mass was indeed cancer, and we would need to meet with an oncologist.
Till death do us part...what if it happens at age 28?
Ever get the feeling that life is going too good? I had a good job, a healthy daughter, a sweet and loving husband. It was easy to see that we were enjoying life, but also taking it for granted.
During the weekend while we waited for the results of the biopsy...I realized just how quickly life can change. We didn't know what the mass was, and while we were hopeful, I suddenly wondered how many days I would have left with my husband.
Every night when we tuck our daughter into bed we say night-night to all the pictures on the way by. We say nigh-night to her cousins Ava and Ella, Savannah and then as we walk down the hall say nigh-night to the picture of her with daddy. As we said nigh-night to daddy's picture tears swelled in my eyes. What if someday this was all she had was a picture to say nigh-night too. I tucked her into bed and tried to wipe the tears from my eyes.
I also started to feel guilty. Was I giving 100% to my marriage, or just giving the 50% by doing only my share. From that day, I knew to never take my life or my marriage for granted.
During the weekend while we waited for the results of the biopsy...I realized just how quickly life can change. We didn't know what the mass was, and while we were hopeful, I suddenly wondered how many days I would have left with my husband.
Every night when we tuck our daughter into bed we say night-night to all the pictures on the way by. We say nigh-night to her cousins Ava and Ella, Savannah and then as we walk down the hall say nigh-night to the picture of her with daddy. As we said nigh-night to daddy's picture tears swelled in my eyes. What if someday this was all she had was a picture to say nigh-night too. I tucked her into bed and tried to wipe the tears from my eyes.
I also started to feel guilty. Was I giving 100% to my marriage, or just giving the 50% by doing only my share. From that day, I knew to never take my life or my marriage for granted.
Checking into the hospital
I felt almost as if it were me that was going to have a biopsy that morning. My stomach was nervous and I didn't even bother to put on makeup that morning. There was no point since my face was obviously tear streaked anyway.
I just threw on some clothes and tried to be as supportive as I could. Jeff was kind enough to come over and watch Julia that morning so my mom could sit with us in the hospital room.
We took the short drive to the hospital and checked in. We waited in the room and watched time move slowly. Our Pastor Eric stopped by to pray with us and sit with us while we waited. Just a few minutes before the procedure was set to start, Jason's parents and grandma arrived. Just before they took him back, we prayed over Jason.
The nurse allowed us to follow as he was wheeled to the biopsy area. She then showed us around the CT scan area and took the time to walk us through the CT scan from the previous day explaining the size of the mass and putting it into real terms.
We were then shown the waiting area so the procedure could start. Pastor Eric and Jason's parents talking while we waited just outside the CT scan room, but to be honest, I couldn't even tell you what it was about.
A few minutes later, the procedure was over and Jason was wheeled to recovery where he was held just to make sure his lung wasn't punctured. Soon we went home and started the painful process of waiting. The results from the biopsy would be in until Monday.
I just threw on some clothes and tried to be as supportive as I could. Jeff was kind enough to come over and watch Julia that morning so my mom could sit with us in the hospital room.
We took the short drive to the hospital and checked in. We waited in the room and watched time move slowly. Our Pastor Eric stopped by to pray with us and sit with us while we waited. Just a few minutes before the procedure was set to start, Jason's parents and grandma arrived. Just before they took him back, we prayed over Jason.
The nurse allowed us to follow as he was wheeled to the biopsy area. She then showed us around the CT scan area and took the time to walk us through the CT scan from the previous day explaining the size of the mass and putting it into real terms.
We were then shown the waiting area so the procedure could start. Pastor Eric and Jason's parents talking while we waited just outside the CT scan room, but to be honest, I couldn't even tell you what it was about.
A few minutes later, the procedure was over and Jason was wheeled to recovery where he was held just to make sure his lung wasn't punctured. Soon we went home and started the painful process of waiting. The results from the biopsy would be in until Monday.
Telling family that everything isn't okay
It's one thing to know something...but to tell someone else means that it's true and not something you dreamed up. So as we went home, we first told my mom that there was a large mass in Jason's lung. Jason then had the terrible task of calling his mom. What a horrible thing to have to tell your parents that even though you seem fine, there is something really wrong.
Jason's family dropped everything to make sure they could come for his biopsy in the morning. In times of need, the worst thing to do is be alone. His family knew that, so without being asked they planned on being there for us.
Jason's family dropped everything to make sure they could come for his biopsy in the morning. In times of need, the worst thing to do is be alone. His family knew that, so without being asked they planned on being there for us.
The day our world as we knew it stopped
On May 7th I got a call that I will never forget. My husband Jason had a routine physical scheduled at 9 that morning. I got the call just shortly before noon. He was still and the doctor and was undergoing several tests.
He said the doctor did an x-ray and it didn't look good. So he sent him to the hospital for a CT scan. With worry in his voice, my husband asked if I would come home and be with him, because he had another appointment scheduled at 1 with a lung specialist.
I left work in shock. I barely could tell my manager why I was leaving and that I wouldn't probably be back for a few days. In the car, tears started to stream down my face. I tried to compose myself before walking into the house.
A few moments later we left for the hospital. Jason had to do some pulmonary tests by breathing and blowing into a machine. After he was done being tortured, we waited for the doctor to come in.
You should have seen the look on the doctors face. He looked at Jason with eyes of disbelievement. He asked Jason why got an x-ray in the first place. Jason told him it was for a cough that wasn't going away. His doctor did an x-ray just to make sure it wasn't pnemonia...and then found something that needed looked into.
The pulmonologist then told Jason that he was the image of health. Then he told us the news he could hardly believe himself, Jason had a mass the size of baseball inside his chest. What it was...well, the doctor wouldn't speculate. He said we would need a biopsy of it in the morning.
Devastated, we left the office. We didn't even want to go home. So we went to a park and prayed. We prayed that whatever it was, it could be easily healed. Then we prayed for the strength to tell our families the news.
He said the doctor did an x-ray and it didn't look good. So he sent him to the hospital for a CT scan. With worry in his voice, my husband asked if I would come home and be with him, because he had another appointment scheduled at 1 with a lung specialist.
I left work in shock. I barely could tell my manager why I was leaving and that I wouldn't probably be back for a few days. In the car, tears started to stream down my face. I tried to compose myself before walking into the house.
A few moments later we left for the hospital. Jason had to do some pulmonary tests by breathing and blowing into a machine. After he was done being tortured, we waited for the doctor to come in.
You should have seen the look on the doctors face. He looked at Jason with eyes of disbelievement. He asked Jason why got an x-ray in the first place. Jason told him it was for a cough that wasn't going away. His doctor did an x-ray just to make sure it wasn't pnemonia...and then found something that needed looked into.
The pulmonologist then told Jason that he was the image of health. Then he told us the news he could hardly believe himself, Jason had a mass the size of baseball inside his chest. What it was...well, the doctor wouldn't speculate. He said we would need a biopsy of it in the morning.
Devastated, we left the office. We didn't even want to go home. So we went to a park and prayed. We prayed that whatever it was, it could be easily healed. Then we prayed for the strength to tell our families the news.
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